“You know they say all men are created equal…But I’m a genetic freak and I’m not normal.”
Welcome back to TJRWrestling’s weekly dose of wrestling promo nostalgia. I am Mitch Nickelson and I’m here to remind you of the dialogues of wrestling past. Some of these promos are truly unforgettable while others we simply hope to forget. Today’s Classic Promo might fall a little more into the latter category.
In the first week of this series, when very early Triple H promos were revisited, reader “danester” suggested in the comments section a promo that I’ve been really excited to tackle. Here is his suggestion…
“Maybe another idea is to close with a completely atrocious promo or just darn right ridiculous one…..basically I just want you to cover the Scott Steiner does math promo”
Today is your lucky day, danester! That very promo where Freakzilla ‘maths’ is this week’s pick. Before we watch the clip together, I want to preface this by saying that I am not in any way a regular TNA viewer. Also, I wasn’t watching much wrestling during 2008 when this apparently took place. I have never seen this clip before writing this article, so I’m watching this for the very first time ever. Will my life be more fulfilled after having watched this? There’s only one way to find out…
That is seriously the most convoluted but insanely hilarious thing I’ve heard in a while. I’ve replayed it a couple of times and will probably need to replay it several more to fully process what I’ve just seen.
I feel like I want to try to break down the numbers, but that seems like a HUGE undertaking. A little bit of research shows me that very task has been done before. Good for the fellow that took the time to break down all of the numbers in this impossible equation, but I will pass on going line by line on this. However, I will offer this supplementary video that someone took the time to make…
According to Big Poppa Pump, he had a 141 2/3% chance of winning at TNA Sacrifice in 2008. Did those impossible odds tip the scales in his favor? No, no they did not. Samoa Joe defeated both Steiner and Kazarian for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship at that event. (Kazarian was filling in for Kurt Angle, who was pulled from the match due to an unspecified injury.)
While Steiner might have struggled on this occasion to form a coherent equation that would lead to victory, he would later find Championship gold in TNA. In 2009, he became a Tag Team Champion alongside Booker T at Victory Road. And despite a brief return in 2011-2012, his relationship with the company would eventually sour. He expressed his distaste over social media, like in this rant against Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan from 2012…
Lawsuits and counter-lawsuits would later be filed. Steiner would allege that the company not only owed him royalties, but would also claim that he suffered nerve damage as a result of TNA allowing him to perform against an intoxicated Jeff Hardy. Steiner is still active on the independent scene today, but like many, many other wrestlers, there is no happy ending with his relationship with TNA.
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Thanks for reading this edition of Classic Promo of the Week. I love the goofy stuff like this in the wrestling world, so please feel free to suggest these lighthearted promos along with the serious stuff. I’ll try to keep a mix of the two extremes as this series continues on. All suggestions that are posted in the comments section below will be considered for future entries, so please post what you’d like to see covered.
To keep up with all things Mitch, follow me on Twitter @MitchNickelson. I’ve been trying to get my feet wet with podcasting, too. Check out my most recent episode of Mitch and Al Radio (Click on that player below!) and don’t forget to tune in next week. I get the opportunity to interview Amazing Kong and I’m pretty stoked about it. Take care.